smile...

i'm walking around, minding my own business, when i notice something... people all around me, so grumpy and lifeless, defeated. i cannot help but smile. i too have my problems that weigh me down. but i keep on smiling... maybe i am too childish to understand your problems. maybe i am too stupid to understand why you cannot muster strenght and fight. but i keep on smiling. you try to strike me down, and i smile. you say that i'm worthless, ugly, pointless, useless, i smile. you try to kick me when i'm down, and i smile. you bite the hand that feeds, mine, and yet i smile. i smile not because i cannot feel pain. i smile because that way you'll feel miserable and defeated when you realise how strong i am, when you realise you cannot defeat me, even if you all stand together against me. so, do come. i dare you. i'll keep on smiling for all of you backstabbers.

how can i do this...?

so.. i'm supposed to think and act like nothing happened. just erase the people who hurt me from my life and not give them another chance, because they do not deserve it. it's fine. i play my part. i forget those people and smile pretty. but first i cry for a while, because it's what people consider normal, because it's what's acceptable, because it's what i came to know as true myself. ok, now what? people tell me then, because everyone seems to always have advice to give, even if it isn't worth shit. "Well, now you keep on moving with your life." thing is.. you don't understand a part of my very life was left behind. time will heal things, yeah, i know. but until then i will feel empty. someone once said "the lack of love leaves an emptiness that is sooner or later replaced by hatred". well, if you're reading this, you're wrong. i could never tell you that because hurting you with my words would kill a part of myself. a feeling i know you never will have towards me. no mercy, not even to the people that nurture the truest love for you. well, fuck this i say! i had enough of being tread upon, of being lied to, of being stabbed (sometimes people have the nerve of not stabbing me in the back anymore!). you've awoken something better left dormant. now i will be the one to hurt you motherfucking bastards. i will rip your fucking arrogance from your snotty faces and rub you against the floor until you're nothing but a bloody pulp. some things are best left unsaid, others best left alone. guess what you bastards: i'm one of those things.

to my beautiful friends....

sometimes i seem to not give you the value you deserve... i wish that i could suffer more often so that i could understand how much you love me, and how very important you are to me... although my love has left me, you stay here... although i seem lost, you stay by my side and let me cry on your shoulder, protect me as the child i am when i'm broken... it is not to my "beloved" that i should write poems... it is to all of you... my most important friends, those who have been there when i needed, you're the ones who deserve all my strenght... it is for you i should have fought... i hope i do not forget this anytime soon, nor the love you show me, the love i am undeserving of...i just hope you can forgive me for my foolishness... that you continue to show me your love so that i will not forget just how much you matter to me, and how much i was wrong... i shall give to all of you my heart. not to the bastards that end up killing me slowly. and to you shall i give all my strenght and be devoted to. amo-vos, meus amigos... agradeço-vos pela minha vida, pois são vós que a conservais... que eu possa um dia vir a fazer tanto por vocês quanto fazem por mim...